I’m b-a-a-a-ack! And rather than drag
things out, I’m just going to pick up where I left off. In my last post, I
explained why telling is usually not the best way to go and why showing is
preferred. Now we're going to talk about applying this information—how to find
those pesky telling parts and show them instead.
How Do I Identify Telling in my own
Writing?
1.
Look for emotional words:
angry, sad, terrified, jealous. In most cases, when these words are written
out, they've been used to tell the reader how a character feels instead of
showing the emotion.
2.
Be conscious of places where
something has been explained. In my writing, this is almost always a short
sentence that gives a concise summary. Looking at your writing in this way
takes practice; when Angela and I crit each others' work, we're always
reminding each other to RUE (Resist the Urge to Explain)—a term we
unapologetically stole from Browne & King's Self-Editing for Fiction Writers. It may take time, but when you edit with an eye for places where
things have been explained, you’ll start to recognize those spots in your
writing.
3.
Check longer narrative passages
to see if something is being told rather than shown. This usually happens when
an author is explaining a unique element that the reader is unfamiliar with (such
as in sci-fi or fantasy), or when giving background information that affects
the current story.
How Do I Show Instead of Tell?
Once you identify the telling places in
your story, rewrite them so the information is shown:
1.
Try to get your information
across within the context of the present-time story. Instead of stopping to
explain that a character has issues with her father, show their dysfunction
over breakfast or a heated phone call. This will show the reader that the two
characters don't get along without you having to say it and without
interrupting the flow of the story.
2.
Use sensory details to draw the
reader in. For example: Nerien
ran down the hall, his feet stinging as they struck the cold stone floor. In
the dark, he misjudged the stairway and jammed his toes into the bottom step.
Glass shattered in the darkness above. He barely heard it over Ma, screaming
for him now. He hurtled out of the stairway and into her room. Here, I could have simply said that he ran upstairs. But I wanted
the reader to be sucked in, to feel his fear and take the journey with him.
Note the details that involve the reader's senses: the cold floor, his toes
jamming into the step, shattering glass, screaming. Whenever possible, use
sensory descriptors to make the scene come alive for the reader.
3.
Use specific words that lend
themselves to the exact mood you're trying to set. In the above example, glass
didn't break, it shattered; Nerien didn't enter the room, he hurtled into it;
his feet didn't hurt, they stung.
4.
Include comparisons that are
specific to the character. In the earlier example of Dara on the bridge, the
branch parallels Dara's feeling of being trapped and choking. The bridge and
river are everyday elements in Dara's life, specific to her. Find the comparisons
that are specific to your character and they'll be believable to the reader.
Granted, there are times when telling is
appropriate, like when you need to state something without going into great
detail—something that maybe needs to be said but isn't of monumental importance
to the story. Telling can also be used for effect: it was the best of times, it was
the worst of times. And of course, if your character's
voice calls for short, snappy, telling sentences, then by all means, tell away.
Just be sure that if you do choose not to show, you've got a solid reason for
doing so.
So there you have it. Show-Don’t-Tell, in a
nutshell. It may sound abstract and vague at first, but the more you study and
search out those spots in your writing, the easier it will get. Need more
resources? Check out Self-Editing
for Fiction Writers (Browne & King) and The First Five Pages (Lukeman). Keep at it, and happy writing!
***
BIO:
Becca
Puglisi is one half of The
Bookshelf Muse blogging duo, and co-author of The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide to Character
Expression. Listing the body language, visceral reactions
and thoughts associated with 75 different emotions, this brainstorming guide is
a valuable tool for showing, not telling, emotion. The Emotion Thesaurus is
available for purchase through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, Kobo, and Smashwords, and the PDF can be
purchased directly from her blog.
